Some insurance claims are just crazy

Answer the phone, thought Jenny. Answer the phone.

“Thank you for calling Blank Insurance Company. How may I help you?” queried a customer service representative.

“I’d like to file a claim against a taxi company you insure,” replied Jenny.

“What’s the nature of your claim, ma’am?” asked the anonymous voice.

“I need a ticket.”

“Your driver got a ticket while you were a passenger in his cab? Do you recall the driver’s name or identification number, or the number on the outside of his vehicle?”

“His name was John. I don’t know either number. No, he didn’t get a ticket. I said I need a ticket,” responded Jenny with emphasis on the word “need.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m just not understanding what you’re communicating.”

“Let me explain it to you, then. I need a ticket to Arizona because John refused to take me to my destination after picking me up yesterday. I expect your insurance company to pay for it, too. First class with no connections. I’d like to leave as soon as possible. I’ll hold while you make arrangements.”

“Uh… I’ve never handled a claim like this before. Let me get my supervisor on the line. Please hold,” responded the representative.
Moments later a new voice greeted Jenny with a “hello.” After repeating her demand in the ear of the supervisor, Jenny became infuriated when she heard laughter in her own ear. “What’s so funny?” she asked heatedly and then added, “you know, I was supposed to die yesterday.”

Noticing the laughter had stopped instantly, Jenny went on to explain that she had hailed John’s taxi the day before and requested that he drop her off at the middle of a bridge connecting two states across a rapidly flowing river. When John inquired about what she intended to do at that particular stop, Jenny had told him she intended to plunge to her death in the water below. It was her 60th wedding anniversary, but the first one she was spending alone, and she couldn’t bear the thought of surviving the day.

“You’re f-ing crazy,” John said. “Get out of my taxi. Now.”

“What are you going to do if I don’t. Kill me?” Jenny had responded.

“Lady, I’m warning you,” John said loudly, “Get out.”

“No,” was Jenny’s response. “Take me or I’ll file a complaint.”

“How? You’re gonna die,” John shouted back before relenting with “fine. Whatever. It’s your choice. Gotta make a few stops on the way unless you pay up front. Can’t risk you jumping before you pay me.”

John drove Jenny all around the city before heading to the bridge. He showed her different places where people had chosen to end their lives, including the zoo where one was mauled by an animal and a subway stop where another had leapt in front of a train. John explained the sufferers’ miserable ends in great detail while Jenny peered out of her window at the various sites.

As he turned onto the bridge, Jenny handed John ten $100 bills for his trouble, but he refused to let here out and insisted on taking her home to make sure her life insurance was in order.

“Do you now understand why I want a ticket?” Jenny asked the supervisor who had been listening to her with rapt attention.

“Because you are not dead. Because a taxi driver took the time to talk sense into you. Because you are alive. You want this insurance company to fly you to Arizona because you are breathing?” summed up the supervisor. “Lady, you are crazy enough to jump if you think that’s going to happen. You should go back to the bridge and reconsider your decision. Thank you for calling Blank Insurance Company. I appreciate the opportunity to serve you… to the fishes. Good day.”